With support from people around you it is easier to cope but I realise that not everyone has close friends and family to lean on hop over to the website who would be supportive in this situation. Seeking out a good counsellor, joining a support group (online or in real life) or starting up a brand new activity away from your partner (so there is space for you) can all be helpful. Not everyone can cope with this situation but it is helped by building a network of people to talk to. And really… there are lots of online support groups out there for partners.
thank you so much for this. MY partner has just started transitioning and most of what I’ve read says there’s no hope for us. you gave me more hope.
Thank you for your blog. I am the fiancee of a Trans woman. He has good times and bad. Sometimes the gender dysphoria doesn’t bother him much, and we’re fine. Someti,mes it nearly kills is both. I love him. I won’t leave because of this. I am committed to our straight, and he worries…ok, i worry too, that i might someday love him, but not be IN love with him. I can deal with him identifying as female inside. I can deal with him wearing womens shirts at home, and even sleeping in a night gown nearly every night. I can’t handle when he talks of hormones and surgeries and hating his male body. I have known for about 8 months, and we’ve had our ups and downs. These past few days have been the worst by far for me. I have fallen into an absolutely crippling depression that i don’t know how to shake. I sob and cry uncontrollable, even at work yesterday and with him last night. I am so sad. The pain of living without him would be so much worse than living with him as her, fully, i know. I won’t abandon him. I just need to get out of this hole before i die in it. Sometimes it feels like the despair could actually crush me to death. I don’t know how to deal with it. I just want my husband, even if he has to think of himself as my wife. Do you have any advice that might help us?
Liz: I feel your pain and frustration. Reading your comment has brought me to tears. I am also in the same boat. I love my fiancee dearly and I love him as the man that I know him to be. It breaks my heart to know that he is unhappy in his own beautiful skin. It pains me that he desires to be “someone” else. It frustrates me that its this way. Outwardly I have supported him endlessly but inside I’m racked with constant emotional pain and frustration. I came here today looking for something, anything at all, that could help me deal with this pain. I’m glad to have found this article and glad to have found others that are going through what I am. I love him “her” so much that I’m not sure I want to ever let go but I’m not sure I’m able to cope with the “issues” that go along with his transition. I’m so unsure and this makes me uncomfortable! I feel like the man I fell in love with is dying and there is just this “new” person in my life. This has to be the toughest thing I’ve ever confronted in my 32 years of life hands down. Hugs to you and others who are going through this.